A few weeks ago, Santa got in touch with me (I was so wowed!) to ask for help. He’s been getting a bit depressed lately, because he’s become conscious of his essential complicity in appalling structural violence through the institution of Christmas. He asked me if I’d like to come on board as an Anticapitalist Apprentice Elf to help him take Christmas in a new revolutionary, and I was delighted to. Together we concocted a plan: get loads of good little boys, girls and genderqueers to ask for the revolution for Christmas.
On the 15th of August we solicited revolutionary letters to Santa all day at Out of the Blue as part of Buzzcut @ Forest Fringe. With 40 letters received, we were very pleased indeed, and proceeded with the next stage of the plan: a Facebook vote. Unfortunately, Santa’s investors aren’t too happy with his new direction, so we have a pretty limited budget to bring about the revolution. Originally we’d planned just to spend £5 on the highest-voted letter, but I’m pleased to announce that a surprise funding source has enabled us to treat the top five letter-writers to their Christmas wish. These were:
Paul, who wants localised horizontalism, ethical relations with non-humans, and identity fluidity. This will happen accidentally, with a sudden realisation. The revolutionary tactics will be secret societies publishing zen koan communiques, on which the five pound revolutionary budget will be spent.
Megan (11), who wants loads of money, shoes and clothes for everyone. This revolution will happen immediately and dangerously through letters, voting and blowing things up.
Zoë, who wants food for everyone, socialism, and more (and more celebration of) provocative female performance. This is a phased plan achieved through street protest, art and sex. Of the five pound revolutionary budget, £2 will be spent on a public free food project, £1.50 on a socialist project, and £1.50 on a provocative female performer’s kickstarter.
Henry, who wants every cunt to just get on wi each other, everyone to be provided with some means of livelihood, so that nobody’s under the frightful necessity of becoming first a thief and then a corpse, and the product of all labour to be the property of all people and individual appropriation to be ended. Also, no cops. This revolutionary should happen ceaselessly, through direct action, armed resistance and poetry. The five pound revolutionary budget will be spent on a book of poetry, a balaclava, and a brick.
& Shite, who wants, in some detail:
– a) Community owed and Locally controlled means for the reproduction of everyday life. Cooperatively run vertical Urban farms, Community Tech Workshops (Bike, Electrical, Woodwork etc), Social Centres, Local Green Energy & Housing Coops.
– b) A three day week & a sky-high pay.
– c) A complete deconstruction of All Nations, Nationalism, Borders & inherited privilege (including & not limited to; Race, Class, Gender, Sexuality, physical ability, Religious Background, & Institutional Attainment)
This revolution will happen gradually until there is mass engagement in a network of locally controlled community spaces exchanging value through local currencies, and making local decisions with direct democracy, followed by an immediate & concerted effort to destroy the shell of the old society by any means. Its main tactics will be street protest, direct action and shoplifting. The five pound revolutionary budget will be spent on self care, because self care is a radical act.
We’d like to take a moment to thank all the kids who wrote letters, even if we can’t afford their presents. They were absolutely brilliant. You too can enjoy all 40 revolutionary Christmas wishes, on Facebook here, or by downloading the complete letters with a pretty Christmas border.
Santa and I are going to be working hard to bring the downfall of globalised late capitalism down these children’s chimneys by Christmas. Our elves will be elving away, spending our £20 budget thusly:
- £5 on distributing revolutionary koan
- £5 on a book of poetry, a balaclava and a brick
- £2 on a free public food project
- £1.50 on a socialist campaign
- £1.50 on a provocative female performers’ kickstarter
- £5 on self-care
We had originally planned to have spent all this by the end of October, but given the expanded budget we’re not planning to have completed all the activities by the end of November. We think the extra time will enhance the revolutionary potential of the work. We’ll be documenting everything thoroughly, and will let you know how the work is going in early December. That way, when the revolution comes on December 25th, you’ll know why.
Lastly, we wanted to share with you think kind words of one very good child, Freddie:
By the way, while some people see you as a symbol of heteronormativity, I’ve always seen you as a sort of genderless mythical being that expresses an asexual form of love and positivity to all humanity, and I really appreciate that.
Amen to that.
Forward the revolution! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Elf Harry xxx